Wednesday, April 22, 2015

The Seeking Place

Adios, Amigos!

The time has finally come-- I'm retiring this blog. There will be no new posts here, but I will keep it public as an archive in case anyone still wants to read it (mostly me, let's be honest). I've loved writing here, and I hope that what I've written has had an impact, even if it just made someone laugh.

I'm now writing at a new blog called The Seeking Place. You can check it out here. All future post can be found there. Thanks to Blogger for a good run. I'll be seeing the rest of you at my new blog home. 

Monday, April 20, 2015


Where am I going? Also, I miss October.

I just wanted to keep everyone updated on the status of my transition to a new blog. As of right now, I still don't have a new one. I know, what am I waiting for? Well, part of the problem is that my personal laptop is out of commission until I can get it fixed, so I have little access to the internet besides my phone. I simply will not create/maintain a full blown blog through my iPhone. My thumbs would simple cease to operate if I tried to do that!

However, there has been a lot going on in my life spiritually, and I've been wanting to write about it in a safe space with no pressure. I'm not sure if I'm ready to delve into the nitty-gritty of all that I'm going through, but suffice it to say I'm very conflicted about where my spiritual journey is headed. Where am I going? I know I am only 24 (almost 25... WOW), and I have a lot of life left to live, and I know my journey never truly stops, but I have don't a lot of reinventing myself in terms of my spirituality. I mean, I grew up in various protestant churches, with a splash of Catholicism, and then I separated from the church after high school and moved to Paganism. Then I began exploring Judaism. That's a lot of spiritual exploration in 7 years! But what I've noticed is that my core values and beliefs about the Divine have not actually changed very much going through all three religious movements. What has changed is how I connect with the Divine and what holidays I celebrate.

Sunday, February 1, 2015


I'm gonna treat myself to a new blog!

I've been spending a lot of the last six months wanting to post on my blog and not being able to. There have been a few things keeping me away. And I've realized that this blog is really been part of an older version of myself. When I started this blog I was a college student trying to navigate early adulthood. I was exploring paganism and that was an important and meaningful experience for me. I was learning how to live in a bigger city environment (compared to living in Grass Valley) and working in places I was less than enthused about.

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Marriage, a Mystery (Plus Amazon Dupes Me Again)

So here are a few updates about me....

Firstly, Amazon suckered me into Kindle Unlimited, so I pay 10 bucks a month to rent books. I did it because I really wanted to read The Lord of the Rings but I didn't want to spend 8 bucks for each volume (turns out you can get them as one volume for 10 bucks, lesson learned) so I decided to get them "for free". They trick you by putting the price as $0.00 if you subscribe to Kindle Unlimited. They tricked me good. However, I've never read any of the LOTR books, so it's been nice to be able to read them at my leisure on my Kindle. And on the plus side, I have access to a ton of other books through this new program. We'll see if it's actually worth $10 a month.

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Where's my pumpkin spice latte?

It's been awhile since I've posted. In fact, summer has breezed by and has led us into a beautiful autumn. And if you've been reading my blog or know me at all, you know that Autumn means October, which is my favorite month of the year. According to the internet, only white girls seem to love fall-- well, they're gonna have to make room for me because my mind is like OMG FALL LEAVES AND PUMPKIN EVERYTHING AND SPICED APPLE CIDER GET IN MY BELLY!!!!

Autumn is kind of my thing.


Monday, June 23, 2014

Guest Lists and Other Wedding Things

That's our city permit that says we've booked our venue!

When Kourtney and I first got engaged, we felt a lot of pressure to have a big wedding. Suddenly people were coming out of the woodworks, asking if they were invited, asking what they should wear (and we didn't even have a venue or a date set).  We truly wanted to invite everyone we knew and we wanted to have a huge party! However, we began to realize that planning a big wedding was simply beyond our abilities (financial, emotional and physical). We really began to feel the pressure.

Then my uncle died. And everything was put on hold.

Thursday, June 5, 2014

The Weight Of It All

Self-love Selfie?

So I'm part of this closed group on facebook which I really like-- its a group of like-minded women who agree to keep a safe space for us all to talk about everything from marital problems to favorite ice cream flavors to questions about which cookie cream is the best (cookie meaning vulva, because... I dunno, it sounds better? Anyway, it's a cream to remove pubic hair, end of story). I love this group because these women are honest and supportive and it's nice to have a some sort of safe space in the war zone we call the internet. I mean let's be honest, there are some real assholes out there and they seem to multiply exponentially when it comes to the interwebs. The women in this group share very intimate, personal information about themselves and their struggles. Honestly, I post more to that group than I do to my actual Facebook page.

But there is one thing that really gets to me that I cannot share with the group.  It's the way we all talk about our bodies. 

I know I'm not one to talk because if there was a group for body haters I would be its president (or at least treasurer... secretary? I'd be on the board, at least). I've spent most of my adolescence and young adulthood trying to hurt my body because I have held so much hatred and loathing towards it. Now I'm going through the admittedly slow process of loving my body and developing positive behaviors to take care of it instead of destroy it. So it really breaks my heart to see so many posts about body hatred.

"I hate my thighs."

"I've never felt so ugly."

"I going on X diet because I just hate my body right now."

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Passover 2014

So I haven't been posting any updates about my journey to Judaism, which is admittedly slow-going but super exciting (to me). Passover was last month, and I was invited to a seder at my friend Bekah's mom's house. I was so excited, but also super nervous. I've been to a seder before, but I was like eight or nine and I barely remember it. I'm learning a lot about Judaism, but I'm still a total novice and the thought of messing things up or saying the wrong thing gives me major anxiety. What if I said a word wrong or did something stupid? Turns out I did both of those things and no one threw me out.

Monday, May 5, 2014

While I've Been Gone

It's been really difficult getting myself to write anything in the last few months. I think it's because I just don't know what to say.

Actually, that's a lie. I have a lot to say, but none of it is particularly inspiring or enlightening (not that anything I've said previously has being either of those things). Most of the things I've been feeling have been anxiety, sadness and grief. Losing my uncle has hit me really hard, and at a time in my life when I'm already in a not so great place. After he died, everything that I was feeling before seemed to be magnified times a thousand. All the anxiety that had been building, the depression, the fear, it exploded after his death. I was hit hard.

Then Kourtney's aunt died, which was hard for her. And then in march my grandma Sue died. So 2014 has not been so great to us so far.