Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Stressed to the MAX

Well, the last few weeks have been quite a curious WTF moments.

First of all (without going into too much detail) I was prescribed a medication by my doctor and my body basically rejected it, leaving me sick as all hell for like 3 days-- and I mean lethargic, having a hard time breathing, painful joints and constant nausea. I called my doctor to see what's up, and she told me to stop taking the medication immediately (could have figured that one out on my own).  However, my symptoms persisted over the weekend while the medication cycled out of my system, and then the original issues (the ones I was taking the meds for in the first place) came back with a vengence.

Suffice it to say I've been in a lot of pain for many, many days.  And this has made me quite the grumpykins, as I'm sure you can imagine.  As a result of all this medical mayhem, I've been super distracted and scatter-brained, which is causing me to get behind in my school work, which stresses me out to no end. I'm kinda freaking out here.  I mean, midterms are NEXT WEEK and I still have tons of reading to accomplish in a very short period of time, not to mention I've got all this paperwork due for financial aid, declaring my major, switching to a new adviser, blah blah blah; PLUS I have massive research to complete for my thesis which is kicking my ass... so school is beginning to feel a little like a train wreck.  And to top it all off, my job is a state of chaos.  I'd rather not go into too much detail on here, but there have been a lot of changes going on in my company, lots of people being promoted and moving around and quitting and moving some more, so things are constantly changing every time I go into work, and it's maddening.  I love my job, and my bosses (now) are great people, but sometimes it just feels like too much is being taken on at a time.  All of us store managers are pretty frazzled right now.

So, all I can say to all of this is WTF, life?  Why are you trying to suck so hard?

You know, that looks really weird when I type that out than when I say it.  Where does that phrase even come from?  Why do things suck, why does the sucking have to be hard? Kind of a perverted phrase, now that I think about it.

In other news, March is making its way in and that means a few things, 1) Spring Break, 2) Vernal Equinox and 3) Kourtney's 21st birthday!  Why are these three things so important?  Well, spring break means I don't have school, which in and of itself is a much needed blessing.  However, it has the added bonus of giving me more time to work, which means I get a boost in my hours and a fatter paycheck (which connects to number three).  The Vernal Equinox is important because it's a Sabbat, which is an opportunity to continue with my new year's resolutions (and maybe redeem myself in regards to the last Sabbat).  And number three?  Well, it's Kourtney's 21st Birthday!!!!!  And I'm hoping that with the boost in my paycheck I'll be able to buy her something nice or take her somewhere really special.  She deserves it.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Resolutions Update: How I'm Doing So Far

You might remember the post I made last month containing my 35 New Year's Resolutions for 2012.  That's definitely a lot to do in a short amount of time. Here's how I've been doing so far:

Things I've Done Well:
  • I've managed to successfully stay away from McDonald's.  Some of you might scoff at that, but seriously, it's kind of a big deal.  I'm a college student, I have limited funds and McDonald's is CHEAP. Plus, it's seriously a block away from my store, so I pass it multiple times to and from work.  It's also disgustingly good, I don't care what you say.  Search your feelings, you know it to be true.
  • Blog at least once a month. DONE.
  • Write recreationally at least once a month. I've actually been doing this in conjunction with my 35th resolution, which is to write a book.  I've been doing brainstorming, free writing, all that good stuff.  I'm just kinda chugging along with it in my spare time, but we'll see how it all turns out.  If it's really good, I might post some of it on here.
  • Celebrate all 8 Sabbats.  Okay, so far I've done okay with this one. I did celebrate Imbolc (post on that another time) but it was small, and not anything like I'd wanted it to be. I did what I could under the circumstances. Perhaps Ostara will be a little less lackluster, yes?
  • Take Kourtney Somewhere Special. For our anniversary I took Kourtney to a local Japanese restaurant and paid for dinner.  It was delicious and we got complimentary plum wine. When we got there she turned to me with a huge smile on her face and asked "Is this the 'somewhere special' that you said you were going to take me?"  I told her no; I actually wanted to do something even more special than dinner.  But I'm glad she was so excited about it.

Things That Need Improvement:

  • Pray Daily.  Okay, perhaps I was too ambitious?  I have been lazy with this resolution; in fact, I've done the exact opposite of what I planned to do by intentionally NOT praying daily.  I had originally made an alarm on my ipod that goes off once in the morning and once at night to remind me to pray. Now, every time the alarm goes off, I press snooze.  It's a bit of self sabotage, and I feel terrible about it.  It's like 5 minutes out of my day, why is it so hard for me to do this?  
    • To be fair, I did pray on Imbolc as part of my ritual, both in the morning and in the evening.  But that's one day out of how many since January 1st? However, while my grandfather was in the hospital I prayed quite a lot, mostly for him to either get better or pass on, because I couldn't bare to see him in a hospital bed any longer.
  •  Create an Altar upstairs. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle with this one.  Almost every time I walk into my room I think "Altar! We need one!" And then I look around and realize we no room.  We simply have too much shit everywhere.  We have no real place for clothes, and the closet is still full of boxes.  We desperately need to do some spring cleaning before we can establish an altar space.
  • Kiss in the rain.  For those of you who live in the bay area, you know that it has been uncharacteristically dry  this winter season, especially when  you compare it to last year's never-ending torrential downpour.  How am I supposed to kiss my lady in the rain when there's no rain?!

Thursday, February 16, 2012

February Blues

I've gone on a little hiatus for the last couple of weeks.  I've been going through some stuff, and although I won't go into too much detail, here's the down-low:

My grandfather passed away on the 26th of last month.  He had been sick for awhile, and the doctors pretty much told us that he didn't have a whole lot of time left because he was so sick.  I don't know how I feel about it.  On the one hand, he had been in the hospital for almost two months, which is a long time, especially when he was on a ventilator for most of that time.  We didn't have a whole lot of hope that he would get better, so it was pretty much a waiting game, watching him die.  On the other hand, what's two months?  That's a grain of sand in the grand scheme of things.  I mean, I had just seen him at Thanksgiving, up and running (sick, certainly, but walking around and stuff) and then the next thing I know he's in the hospital, and he's dying, and then he's gone.  It felt like it happened so fast, and yet it felt like it went on forever. I'm not sure if that makes sense.  Anyway, we're all a mess, in our own ways.  I can't speak for the rest of my family, but I feel like I go around mostly okay, and then I think of him, or something reminds me of him, and I feel like crying.  Or not even that; I might just be doing homework or making hot pockets or listening to a lecture, and I'll feel those tears creeping up behind my eyes and I'll think, "What's going on? Why do I suddenly need to cry?  We're discussing research variables, for heaven's sake!"