Oh, how far I have fallen.
Okay, in actuality, I haven't done too shabby. But seriously, I've been slacking. Before I update what I've done this month, let me preface it with this: I am TIRED. Not like oh, I could use a nap tired. I mean IF I KEEP MY EYES OPEN FOR ONE MORE SECOND I WILL DIE! tired. I have basically been running on empty the past few weeks, with constantly working and doing school work, and to be honest this semester is kinda kicking my ass. I'm working hard to keep up, but with all of the things going wrong with my body (found out I'm anemic, which explains the constant fatigue), the stress of school, and the craziness at work, I'm beat. And this has taken its toll on my relationships, my mood, and my activities, including my resolutions. Keeping in mind that many of these resolutions are more about the journey than the destination, here are the updates for March.
Things I've Done Well
- I bought my Macbook Pro! On the 19th after work Kourtney and I met in Walnut Creek and walked to the Apple Store and bought my new baby. This is after a full year of saving, so it's a very momentous occasion for me. I'm not the kind of person who spends frivolously or often, so throwing down almost 2 grand for a computer was a little startling, but I saved up more than I needed, so I wouldn't be broke afterward. I have a nice cushion to fall back on if I need it, AND a shiny new computer to love. YAY.
- I've been eating more vegetables. This is part of the eating healthier and feeling better about my body resolution. Kourtney is mostly in charge of food preparation at our house, so she's been making almost every dinner with a vegetable, which is great. Also, because I'm anemic, I've had to try and eat more red meat, because it's a great source of iron, of which I'm deficient. I'm not a huge fan of red meat, so this has been a bit of a challenge. I'm more of a chicken kind of a gal. Getting more red meat into my diet is a little bit intimidating because so much of red meat is characterized in American culture (especially "women's culture") as being bad; too fatty. If you eat red meat on a regular basis, you're begging to be fat forever. This kind of mentality, which I've been surrounded by for most of my adolescent/adult life-- especially among my social circles-- really plays on my insecurities surrounding food, and to be honest it gives me a fair amount of anxiety if I think about it too much. I hope the increase in vegetables will balance out the increase in red meats.
- I've been exercising more. My mom and I have started taking 30 minute walks in the morning before work. I'm really kind a grumpy in the morning, but as we walk, my mood gets better, which just goes to show you, endorphins really DO make you happy. I've also been trying to to not get so angry when I miss the bus and instead walk to places I need to go. Even just taking the stairs instead of the elevator or escalator makes a difference. I find that when I walk in the mornings my days don't feel so disturbingly exhausting. However, I have crap shoes that have officially died, so until I get some decent sneakers, my walking is limited (walking long distances in flats or sandals is NOT fun).
- Still no McDonald's. YAY!
- Still updating my blog at least once a month!
- Also, I'm still writing recreationally, and in fact I write like 2 times a week.
- In my opinion, I've been very spiritually active in the last month. More on that in a later post.
- We celebrated the Vernal Equinox (Ostara) with our Egg Party!
Things That Need Improvement
- Daily Prayer. I know, this is exactly what I said in my last update, but it's about the journey, not the destination, right? To be honest, there HAS been improvement in this area-- I have prayed more in March than I did in January or Februrary. However, I STILL haven't made it up to consistent daily prayer. However, I was talking to my Grandma Isoke about my resolutions, and when we got to the prayer part, she kind of reminded me that prayer isn't always conscious. I mean, think about it for a second. How many times a day do send up little thoughts to the Divine, like "Oh God, please help me get through this paper," or "Goddess, please don't let me miss my bus!" Are those not prayers in and of themselves? Sure, they are spontaneous, and yes, they're not formal or structured, but according to Google, prayer is 1) a solemn request for help or expression of thanks to God or an object of worship or 2) a religious service, esp. a regular one, at which people gather in order to pray together