Monday, May 7, 2012

April Resolutions Update

I am so close to the end of the  semester I can taste it. With that in mind, I thought I'd give myself a break and update my blog a little.  I feel like I've been neglecting it, and I feel that needs to be remedied.  So, an update on my resolutions list.  I feel that I have done a little better this past month, although emotionally and physically I've been quite miserable. In any case, I'm checking of the resolutions one by one, and it feels pretty good to accomplish things, so I've got that to keep me going.

Things I've Done Well

  • Celebrating the Sabbats-- Since I first made this list in January, I've successfully celebrated every Sabbat thus far in the Wheel of the Year.  This is pretty big for me, because I was worried that I wouldn't be able to do it. Not that I didn't want to-- in my heart of hearts I know that I feel as if I've been less active spiritually that I'd like to be, and celebrating the Sabbats was a big part of that.  Yet at the same time I don't want to congratulate myself just yet, because we still have 5 Sabbats to go-- Midsummer, Lughnasadh, Mabon, Samhain, and Yule.  So I may have my work cut out for me. But now that I've got three under my belt, I feel a bit more confident that I will stick to this resolution to the end.

  •  Reading more books and blogs than last year--  I really can't say that I'm reading more because of a serious effort.  To be honest, the increase in reading this year is due largely because of my Kindle app; I now have like a bazillion books right at my fingertips.  Kindle has really tapped into my laziness (and my forgetfulness).  I just don't want to go to the library to check out books!  And it's not like the library is far, no, I could walk there if I really wanted to, but I can't wrap my brain around it at the moment.  Plus, I always forget to return my books. When we lived in the north bay we were literally RIGHT NEXT TO THE LIBRARY, and I still owe them 50 bucks in late fees.... so I know it does me no good to rent books for free.  I end up paying no matter what.  To be honest, I still love the feel, even the smell of real, paper, non-digital books, and I will never turn a good hardcover down, but I'm far too impatient to buy online and then wait for a book to be shipped to me.  So now I've become accustomed to finding a book I like and checking Kindle first to see if I can buy it there.  If not, I buy the book.

  • Have an active spiritual life--  This one is really in conjunction with celebrating the Sabbats and praying more often and all that.  I'm really proud of myself for really trying to actively work on my spiritual life, keep asking questions and learning.  I'm giving myself room to grow, to make decisions and unmake them, and to re-evaluate my faith often.  It keeps me honest and open to new ideas.  I've been praying more often this month-- not daily, but more often-- which I'm sure is due mainly to the fact that I've been swamped with essays (Goddess, please let me finish this 10 page essay today!  I promise I'll stop eating cheese its as a late night snack!) and I just quit my job (Please Goddess, give me the strength to represent myself well enough to get a good job before I become destitute! I'll stop procrastinating on my essays!).  I've also done more for each Sabbat that passes, so I feel like I'm really starting to come into my own as far as being Pagan goes.  Plus, I've been head covering for a good month now, and it's caused me to become more aware of my actions, spiritually.

Things I've Missed/Things to Improve

  • Passover-- Okay, so Passover came and went without me this year.  I was incredibly disappointed, because I really wanted to participate, but I got so swamped with school and work that I was stunned when I looked at my calendar and realized that Passover was a week away and I couldn't ask for any days off at work. BUMMER. However, in my original resolutions list I provided a little loophole for this one-- I said I would celebrate Passover or one of the High Holy Days, so I still have time to redeem myself.

  • Continue my ASL Studies--  This is another big disappointment for me.  Ever since my first class at College of Marin, I have been IN LOVE with ASL and Deaf Culture, so it pains me to not be practicing or learning more.  I knew when I applied to Mills that they didn't offer ASL as a foreign language; I was reassured that I would be able to use cross-registration to take ASL classes at Berkeley City College. However, with my major officially declared and a measly year left to accrue all the necessary units for graduation, I cannot possibly fit ASL into my course load.  This would be  tolerable if I were perhaps fluent, or knew someone I could practice with to keep my skills up.  However, that is not my reality, and it breaks my heart to realize that not only am I still not fluent, but I am swiftly forgetting the language.  When I had finished my second semester in ASL, I was confident in my signing and my ability to understand others when they signed. Now I feel hopelessly lost when I see people use ASL, and I sometimes can't remember simple signs that I learned as a baby signer.

So, hopefully the next month brings more success and improvement.  Overall, I'm just glad I got through the month without pulling my hair out!


  1. we should learn a language together and then we could be practice buddies and not forget! same happened with me and the italian i took. i miss it and cannot believe how much i've forgotten.

    1. Haha! well, learning a new language is ALSO on my resolutions list, so that would definitely count. I really miss ASL, though. Ooh, but I'd love to learn German or Russian.