Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Weddings and Menorahs

Oh goodness, it's already December and I haven't posted since October. Truly, I try to post, but as soon as I log in to start writing I get major writer's block, and everything I want to write suddenly seems to trivial, or to personal, or lame or forced or blah blah blah. Anyway, here I am, attempting to rise up from blogger death and bring some news.

One of the venues we looked at

Wedding venue shopping is just slightly infuriating, because I am prone to overshopping. Or perhaps a better way of saying it is that I am easily overwhelmed by choices? So I go online and look at all the different places to choose from and I kind of lose my shit. So as you can imagine, I am ready to just pick one and be done with it. But at the same time, I don't want to pick one that I'll end up hating six months down the line. And then to make it just a bit more complicated for myself, I'm constantly looking at other stuff when I should be researching venues. So I'll be like "This is a nice venue over here-- oooh, look at that dress! Oh, I should look at cake toppers, and what about Doctor Who centerpieces? I should find a Harry Potter ring box for the ceremony..." I'm easily distracted. Part of me just wants someone else to plan this whole thing without my input and I'll just show up on my wedding day ready to go. But really, it's not that bad. I'm fully enjoying being engaged, it's an exciting time, and I really should enjoy it while it's here. It's still so new to me, when I talk about Kourtney I still sometimes say "My girlfriend" instead of "My Fiancee." Most of the time people correct me.

I'm ready call her my wife.

We're adorable.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

The Happiest Place on Earth

I'm on a roll! I'm in the front seat on the road to destiny! 

News, news, news!

I know, it's been awhile since my last post. I don't really have an excuse for it, because when I look back on all the things I've done since September, I know I could've fit a post in somewhere. To be honest, I had a few instances where I thought, "Hey, I should post such-and-such on my blog!" But it would be at the most inopportune moments, like when I'm using the watching Doctor Who or skydiving or wrestling bears. Anyway, here's an update about what's been going on with me these days:

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Who Needs Religion?

If there is one constant in my life it is that I know that I need religion. Others do not, and that's great. Sometimes I envy those people. But I am not one of them.There has never been a time where I haven't sought out religious/spiritual fulfillment in some way, and I can't imagine a life (for me) where I didn't... "do" religion. It's just so ingrained in me. Many of my beliefs might (and always sometimes do) change over time, but I've always believed in something, and that something has always been an important part of my life.When I don't make my spiritual life a priority, other parts of my life suffer. I didn't realize that until very recently (although I shouldn't be surprised, how long have I been living with myself?). I remember one evening when I was talking to Kourtney about some spiritual problem, she looked at me and asked, "Why do you need religion so bad?" I don't even remember how I replied, but thinking back I remember feeling taken aback.  Who doesn't need religion, I thought.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Commencement Reflections and Random Pics

My grandma bought this for me. She rocks.

It's been awhile since my last post-- the last time you heard from me, I was counting down the days to graduation. That was in May.

It's August now. So... it's been awhile.

It wasn't my intention to take such a long hiatus on here. After my last post, I got some pretty good feedback, and at first I was relieved because I truly didn't know how people would respond to what I wrote. I was trying to vent without sounding like a huge whiner. But people seemed to relate to what I wrote, which felt really good. And then I began to worry. What was I going to write next? Would my next post be as good as the last or would it fall short? It brought on a little bit of anxiety. Meanwhile, I was smack-dab in the middle of finals, about to graduate from college, and I thought, "I don't have time for this, I gotta graduate!" So I told myself that I would start back up after I graduated.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Ode to a body?

I'm always a bit hesitant to visit my hometown, for a myriad of reasons. It reminds me so much of the days when I was "blossoming into adulthood," or all the ways I was socialized to think in ways that now, looking back, were probably not great for my psyche. I do have a lot of great memories from living in GV-- going color guard competitions, bake sales, days at the river-- but I'm also keenly aware of the not-so-great memories. One of the biggest issues that I still deal with from a day-to-day basis is something I learned in GV: body hate. And I'd like to think of myself as a bit more "enlightened" with my (almost) degree in Sociology and my feminist leanings and bad-ass attitude, and I'd like to imagine myself as a body activist, a person who's like "What, I'm fat AND black AND beautiful, so suck on that!"

I'd really like to be that person, but I'm not.

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Everyday Radical Acts

I was on Facebook the other day (when am I not?), when I stumbled upon a post by one of my FB buddies regarding an everyday radical act-- revealing your queerness to your gynecologist. I read her post and nodded my head-- been there, done that, still awkward as hell. Nothing reminds you how heteronormative our society is quite like explaining to your well-intentioned gynecologist that yes, you are sexually active, but no, you do not have sex with men. Because that's what they really mean, when they ask you if you're sexually active-- they really wanna know if there has been a penis in your vagina recently. And as someone who has had some frustrating gynecological issues that have resulted in many appointments with different specialists, I can tell you that this question never gets old. I don't always answer the same way-- sometime's I'm frank:

Monday, April 8, 2013


Fireworks, bro.
So... a couple of weeks ago I went to Disneyland! And it was a great vacation. Kourtney and I took Amtrak (which took forever), and we got a good 3 days in the parks. We went down there to surprise Imani, because his marching band was going down to perform in the Soundsational parade, and he was SO SURPRISED to see us! It was such a treat to see him in his little uniform, marching down the street with all those faces in the crowd cheering and clapping, especially since I got to do the same when I was in middle school. It was really trippy to be in that environment again, but on the sidelines instead of in the band. Marching band flashbacks!!!! I was disappointed that the band at Gilmore (my old middle school) no longer has a color guard (WHAT?!) and also no longer plays Louie Louie-- losing that tradition is really a tragedy! However, they were great, and I'm so proud of my little brother!

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Selling Myself Short

In my Sociology of Mass Communications class, we recently had an assignment in which we had to document our media consumption for four days, and then write a paper making a specific argument about one of the topics discussed in class using our media diaries as evidence. I chose the topic of media ownership after looking over my media diary and noticing that a few companies owned a significant portion of the media I was consuming on a regular basis. However, when I turned it in I felt really unsure of myself, and didn't feel like I had done a great job using the concept in my paper. I barely made it under the deadline.

Friday, March 15, 2013

So Tired...

March makes me tired....

Hey all! It's been almost a month since I've posted (say it ain't so!), and I've been so busy lately with school that I don't really have much of an update.  Here's what's been going on in my world for the last month, as fast as I can before I go back to being a student/slave of academia:

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

I don't like labels (except when I do)

My WHAT?/those are big teeth face.
Okay, so I know how I posted this really long-winded (and really fun to write) novella about how I identify as far as sexual orientation goes, and I probably gave off the impression that I was somehow against labeling sexuality.  Which I kind of am (at least I thought I was).  However, the other day I read an article that kind of threw me off, forcing me to re-evaluate how I feel about labels and how I use them in a real-world context.  The article was titled "I'm a straight, twenty-something woman. And so is my girlfriend." You can find the article here, but I'll summarize it for you. Basically it's a twenty-something woman talking about how she identifies as straight, despite being in a relationship with a woman (and they are talking about getting married, so we know it's serious). She says she is a straight woman, in love with another straight woman, and she wants to get married and have her babies.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

On The Death of My Grandfather

It's been a year since my grandfather passed away.  It's been over 365 days since he died and I still find it hard to think about. I was going to post something about it on the actual anniversary (January 26th), but was just too much for me. But it's now February, and I'm feeling up to the challenge.

My grandfather's death was hard on the whole family. But it wasn't his death that was the hardest part-- it was watching him die. It was taking the school shuttle to Kaiser and sitting next to him, knowing that there was nothing more the doctors could do. It was looking at him, watching machines breathe for him. It was sitting in class, constantly checking my phone, waiting for that call. It was frantically doing schoolwork and thinking, "I'm trying to write about operationalization and instruments of measurement while my grandpa is dying."  It was sitting on the bus home and crying uncontrollably.

Monday, February 4, 2013


For those of you who don't know, last weekend was Imbolc (for a little explanation on what Imbolc is, check out my post about it here or wander the internet looking for answers). My celebrations were modest-- I lit some candles on my altar and said a prayer. In that prayer I asked for guidance. I've been in a strange place the last few months regarding my own spiritual path, and I've found myself wishing for more structure and a more solidified identity as a pagan. PAGAN. I've been using that word for years to describe myself, and yet by using it I'm really not describing myself at all. Pagan, after all, is really an umbrella term for a group of religious/spiritual groups that may or may not have a whole lot in common with one another. I've been searching for my own group, a religious identity that matches my values and passion for knowledge, a group that can quench the thirst I have for spiritual balance and a group that provides community and solidarity. I am no longer satisfied with a generic pagan. I want more than that.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

This One's for You

Year One.

Kourtney and I aren't ones to get caught in sappy romance. Our approach to our relationship has been to love one another (of course), but we're also realistic-- we were never under the impression that relationships are like what you see in Disney movie. We're also not big fans of being one of those sickeningly sweet couples who constantly talk about how in love they are-- those people are pretty fake and annoying, and that's just not our style.

Monday, January 14, 2013

Resolutions 2012: Recap

Happy New Year!

Okay, peeps. here it is: the results of my resolutions challenge! I'll give you the list first, before I go into the deets:

Sunday, January 6, 2013

My First Post of 2013!

The first night of Yule.
It has certainly been awhile since the last time I made a blog post! It was a wonderful and chaotic and exhausting winter holiday season, but I made it through with my sanity intact, so that's a blessing. I hope everyone had a wonderful time celebrating!  I know some out there still have some winter celebrating to do!

I was very busy this past month! First of all, I had finals (which equals massive amounts of reading!) Also, I FINISHED MY SENIOR THESIS!!!!!! Yes, after months of writing and rewriting and researching and transcribing and writing some more, I turned in my completed thesis on December 5th! It felt so amazing to turn it in, but then I was all freaked out, worrying about the grade I was going to get. On the same day I had to present my thesis in a powerpoint presentation in front of my seminar class and some other Mills people. My mom and my grandma were also there! It was really cool to be able to present in front of them and show them how much work I put into my project. I think they were impressed, and I appreciated their presence. I felt so bad-ass! I felt really confident after presenting. And, icing on the cake, I got my grade back: A! When I got the email, I did a happy dance!