Wednesday, February 20, 2013

I don't like labels (except when I do)

My WHAT?/those are big teeth face.
Okay, so I know how I posted this really long-winded (and really fun to write) novella about how I identify as far as sexual orientation goes, and I probably gave off the impression that I was somehow against labeling sexuality.  Which I kind of am (at least I thought I was).  However, the other day I read an article that kind of threw me off, forcing me to re-evaluate how I feel about labels and how I use them in a real-world context.  The article was titled "I'm a straight, twenty-something woman. And so is my girlfriend." You can find the article here, but I'll summarize it for you. Basically it's a twenty-something woman talking about how she identifies as straight, despite being in a relationship with a woman (and they are talking about getting married, so we know it's serious). She says she is a straight woman, in love with another straight woman, and she wants to get married and have her babies.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

On The Death of My Grandfather



It's been a year since my grandfather passed away.  It's been over 365 days since he died and I still find it hard to think about. I was going to post something about it on the actual anniversary (January 26th), but was just too much for me. But it's now February, and I'm feeling up to the challenge.

My grandfather's death was hard on the whole family. But it wasn't his death that was the hardest part-- it was watching him die. It was taking the school shuttle to Kaiser and sitting next to him, knowing that there was nothing more the doctors could do. It was looking at him, watching machines breathe for him. It was sitting in class, constantly checking my phone, waiting for that call. It was frantically doing schoolwork and thinking, "I'm trying to write about operationalization and instruments of measurement while my grandpa is dying."  It was sitting on the bus home and crying uncontrollably.

Monday, February 4, 2013

Reflections



For those of you who don't know, last weekend was Imbolc (for a little explanation on what Imbolc is, check out my post about it here or wander the internet looking for answers). My celebrations were modest-- I lit some candles on my altar and said a prayer. In that prayer I asked for guidance. I've been in a strange place the last few months regarding my own spiritual path, and I've found myself wishing for more structure and a more solidified identity as a pagan. PAGAN. I've been using that word for years to describe myself, and yet by using it I'm really not describing myself at all. Pagan, after all, is really an umbrella term for a group of religious/spiritual groups that may or may not have a whole lot in common with one another. I've been searching for my own group, a religious identity that matches my values and passion for knowledge, a group that can quench the thirst I have for spiritual balance and a group that provides community and solidarity. I am no longer satisfied with a generic pagan. I want more than that.